Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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