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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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