Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
