I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
