left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
