Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
