I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
