she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
