I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
