Princesses don't give blow jobs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
