What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
