I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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