I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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