that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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