the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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