I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
