im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
