Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
