when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
