At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this beer tastes like vomit already
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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