So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
