you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
