i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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