Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
