i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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