it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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