Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
