Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Still dying that you shit outside
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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