sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
