Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
