Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
