Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
