I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
