i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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