we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
