i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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