PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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