One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
