Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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