i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
