No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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