You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
