its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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