Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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