I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
