they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this will be a night to untag.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
