im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
