i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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