I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
