mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
