i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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