Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the day after is always just damage control
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
